So, I just need to put this here for myself more than for anyone else. It’s so strange to move from an age where dreams totally felt like they were just pending goals to be accomplished, to a state of being where reality tries to stab the heart of every dream I desperately hold on to.
Maybe it’s me getting older, or perhaps it’s merely the fact that I’ve always been a “realistic optimist”, but the truth remains – sometimes it’s just too damn hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Who knows? Maybe there’s a cave-in or a detour right before you get to the end of it.
Still, my radiant inner child refuses to be laid low; she keeps telling me to BELIEVE. The hope in my heart is worth the struggle, the doubt, confusion, and constantly hearing the pitiful lie that my darkest voice whispers in my thoughts – I’ve let myself and everyone else down by insisting upon following this one persistent dream.
It takes a Herculean effort to squash the doubt and weariness in my heart, to slap yet another “What if…” directly in the face with an “I can do all things through Christ…” reminder. It’s hard to get back up, find motivation and be inspired when your most influential 24/7 365 cheering team member consists only of the person staring back at you in the mirror.
It’s lonely, it’s hard. It’s scary, and it’s inevitable.
Perhaps you know what I mean when I talk about the feeing of compulsion. No matter what the odds are, and even if I stand alone, this is something that I MUST do. It’s the path that I have to take in order to feel as close to fulfillment in this life as I can imagine. So I may as well finally get over being so damn angsty about my life and just be f-ing cool about it. It’s time to wrap this frigging series up; the clock is ticking.
Be cool, baby. Be cool.
Author, dreamer, mother, wife, sister, daughter, Believer, romantic, instructor, researcher, performer, friend, reader, underutilized philanthrope (my own fault - I'm working on it), discoverer, educator, Foodie, holistic, sentimental, human.